The event went well-I think! It was a very different experience for me to be a volunteer at an event rather than the planner or staff. It was kind of funny though, even with just being a volunteer I still somehow seemed to be the person everyone came to with questions. There were some bumps in the road but nothing that was insurmountable. Matt and I even came home with a couple of auction items!
While the event went well the next day did not. On Thursday (and I bit more everyday since) I was forced to come to grips with something I think I've been denying-I'm not happy here. I'm extremely lonely and feel super isolated. Plus to make things harder I think I made a mistake for my career coming here. So that was a fun realization! Before I get into where-at least I think-my issues are here's a quote that I thought was a good one: "It's not what isn't, it's what you wish was that makes unhappiness."-Janis Joplin. I thought that was fitting for my current state of mind.
I think Gilda's Club was a great distraction for me for the last month or so. Unfortunately that distraction is gone. I'm hoping I can still help out there but I'll have to wait and see. Without that distraction I just have a lot of time to my lonely self everyday. I've tried to find groups that meet during the day or organizations to join and I'm just not having any luck. Its really frustrating. I think it's made more frustrating because as I sit here and struggle to find anyone to hang out with and a job I get to watch Matt go to work to a job he loves everyday and I see how happy he is to be by his friends and family. Its a tough mix of emotions. I love seeing him so happy but at the same time I just don't know how to get there myself.
The other frustration I'm feeling is that I'm just not finding a lot for jobs. I know it hasn't been a terribly long time to look but it's just a challenge to stay positive when there's maybe one job that I could do posted every two to three weeks. It's especially frustrating since I was so close to the perfect entry level development job in Madison....that I just walked away from. Being an adult and making adult, life changing decisions really kinda sucks!
So to sum up what I think my problem is at the moment-I keep wishing for things I don't have. I wish I had some way of meeting people and making friends here. I wish I had a decent lead on a job I wouldn't be afraid to drive to everyday. I just wish I was happy. I guess I just have to remind myself of the words of Janis Joplin. I need to stop focusing on all the things I wish I had and just work slowly to get them and in the meantime focus on what I have. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself I need to do! As always-it's something that is easier said than done. I sincerely hope I can start to find more of the good things about being here. If I can't I don't know what I/we will do.
I don't like the idea of ending this post on a bad note. So to cheer things up a bit-I finally got to go to the Detroit Zoo yesterday! It was amazing. It really is a great zoo. It's much bigger than the Henry Vilas Zoo but it does have it's perks. For instance there's a Penguinarium! It was the first of it's kind in the U.S. There are three types of penguins in one building and they can all inter-mingle. It's so fun to just walk around the building and watch all the penguins. It was definitely the only exhibit we went to twice yesterday. To make it even better Matt and I bought a membership so now I can go during the week whenever I want! I'm thinking I'll make a weekday trip sometime soon to take some pictures. Oh! Speaking of pictures-we've been making progress on our yard! It's a pretty nice day out so I think I'll go take some pictures of the progress and post them either today or tomorrow!
There-happy ending. Much better :)
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